get to know me tag (writer’s edition)

I wanted to do a tag, so I went and found one. I think I need to do more casual posts on here, try lighten the mood a bit. Most of my posts this year have been MY ENTIRE LIFE IS SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL I FORGOT MY OWN NAME HERES MY TO DO LIST, you know? I miss casual fun posts. So no, I wasn’t actually tagged, call me a pirate I like it. This originally comes from Savannah Grace Writes. 

Vital Stats And Appearance

Name: Miranda Carter

Nicknames: Mo (Miranda & Jo squished together) Nie Nie (I really don’t know. Given to me by my little sister. Could be affectionate. Maybe it was supposed to be an insult but here we are)

Birthday: June 26th 

Hair color and length: Mediumish brown? It’s darker but I have natural blonde highlights which make me feel like an opposite rapunzel JUST saying. Medium height. It was all the way down to my waist but I cut it off when I had my last mental breakdown :’)

Eye color: Brown but I call it cherry brown because they have so much red in them. They aren’t black-brown they look like a violin’s wood. And I give myself permission to go on about my eye color because I hated them growing up I thought they looked like muddy piles of poo. So I have to romanticize them. 

Braces/piercings/tattoos: Only earring pierces though I don’t use them often. I used to have braces. For SIX years. Now I just wear a retainer but I haven’t worn it in like half a week and so I’m scared I’m going to wake up with crooked teeth but I gag when I wear it and it’s stressful. 

Righty or Lefty: right handed. 

Ethnicity: White. American. Everything that’s wrong with the world. (Kidding. Kidding. I think.)

Firsts

First novel written: A story called Wanderlust that was heavily influenced by Alice in Wonderland and Entwined by Heather Dixon. I stuck with that story for a pretty long while and I filled a couple of notebooks with it. There were dozens of plot holes and actually now that I think of it, barely a plot at all. A girl named Tamzin scuttles away from her evil stepmother and her spawn into the woods and climbs a magic tree that has gemstones sticking out of its trunk for no reason. She then falls INTO the tree and lands violently on the lawn of a palace and I think she like snapped her leg or something gory and then this super handsome doctor who was way too old for her but we’re not going to discuss my childhood issues heals her and then she realizes everyone there thinks she’s THE princess so she has to do lessons and then her dance teacher is SPICY too so she’s like hmmmm can’t choose and she starts loosing her memory of her life before this place but yeah that’s it. Oh, and in the world these instruments play on their own and the rain is sparkly. 

First novel completed: I’ve never completed writing a novel, only completed plotting one. That was an amazing feeling. I still have the pen I used to plot the entire thing and magically, it ran out of ink EXACTLY when I wrote the last letter of the last word. ✨ MaGIc ✨ That was a sleepy hollow retelling which is still one of my works in progress. It’s dark, it’s a little gory, full of folklore, and very very autumnal 🍁 

Award for writing: Nothing, okay? NOTHING. Have I entered the national poetry competition every. Single. Year. For the past 8 years? YES. Have I ever even been on the honorable mentions list? NO. However, I’ve never entered a story competition I should really do that. Seems like fun.

First publication: Nothingggg. But I’ve never pursued publication before as I always drop projects halfway through. I’m looking for THE STORY. 

Conference: Never been. Seems like the craic though. I’d like to ACTUALLY do NANOWRIMO and go to some write-ins. That would be awesome but I can be a little socially anxious so I would probably have a blank document open and just be pretending to type some sort of story but really it’s jibberish and I start to sweat and when someone asks me what I’m writing I lie for no reason but that it makes me feel protected and it just goes downhill from there. But I’ll still give it a go. 

Query/Pitch: *crickets*

Favorites

Novel (that you wrote): Before I Go Mad. My pirate tale. I like the concept I developed for it and I think the twists and turns make it strong but I haven’t fully plotted it. I also love my sleepy hollow retelling but despite the fact that it is fully plotted I can’t figure out several characters and it’s very hard to get it to turn in the direction I want it to go but I’ll FORCE it to and then it’ll probably steal the number one spot. 

Genre: Fantasy, Historical Fantasy, and I could see myself writing a Sci-Fi or Sci-Fi Fantasy story as well. I prefer low fantasies to high and more unique worlds than just another medieval kingdom. But still, all hail the Lord of The Rings. 

Author: Heather Dixon. She writes so creatively and it’s not pretentious at all. I love reading her stories. 

Writing Music: I love setting up soundtracks for projects! I used to use Spotify but I’ve since deleted it so I’d have to reconstruct the writing tracks I had. I think I’ll do a post on this in the future. Off the top of my head I like Remember from The Lion King, Silver Leaves from Treasure Planet and Aeon from Nick Murray. 

Time To Write: I usually blog or write in the morning surprisingly. I really don’t like mornings. They’re intimidating and boring. But I also have intense creative bursts in the evening as well.

Writing Snack/Drink: Cinnamon apple tea or a cup of coffee orrrr hot chocolate. 

Movie: The Lord of The Rings trilogy. Masterpiece. I also love Pan’s Labyrinth, Inkheart, Timeline, and Barbie movies. 

Writing Memory: I mentioned finishing the plot for my sleepy hollow retelling, that was a good one. Probably writing with my older sister. We’d gather all of our supplies and go into her room, sit on the floor and think of new characters or ideas and then fall silent for hours writing. 

Childhood Book: The Chronicles of Narnia were read out loud to me by my mother as a kid. My two older siblings and I would sit in the living room at night and she’d read a few chapters out loud. I remember thinking that I was Lucy and that I was truly, really, going to go to Narnia. That was a great book experience. 

Currently

Reading: I’m a horrible reader. I’m so picky and I prefer to work on my projects than read as of late. However, I’m technically reading The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, annnnd The Giver by Lois Lowry. But I haven’t touched any of those in months so did I just lie maybe. 

Writing: I’ve taken a break from my larger projects (by break I mean I haven’t touched them in a year) and I’ve been filling out a short story book I got. It’s very fun and I love to see what stories I end up with. It gives you a premise and several words you must include in your story and then the rest is up to you. It has helped me recognize writing mistakes I make, where I’m weak, where I’m strong, and that I literally cannot fit a story on one page.

Listening to: Traveling Song from Ryn Weaver, Mise Eire from Sibeal and Patrick Cassidy, The Best Day from Taylor Swift, and Fall On Me from Andrea and Matteo Bocelli. 

Watching: Doctor Who. Besides different movies here and there, I’m not watching any other shows. I’m picky about tv shows too. They always spiral out of control into a trope-filled lucid dream of ridiculousness and then I get ANGRY and throw the remote across the room turn it off. 

Learning: Besides learning how to function as an adult (am I though?), writing-wise I’d say I’m becoming more familiar with my writing style, and am learning how to change what I don’t like or recognize what isn’t hitting the way I want it to. 

Future

Want To Be Published: Yes I do. It’s been a goal of mine since I was really young and I’d like to make that happen.

Indie or Traditional: Traditional. I find the whole system and process of publication fascinating and I believe every great author needs a great editor. Even though you have little control over cover art and the branding of your book so to speak, to see the publishing house logo on the spine of my book would make up for it. 

Wildest Goal: Wildest writing related goal? Right now to finish an actual manuscript of one of my projects seems pretty darn wild so I’ll chose that. 

This was fun I think I’ll do more tags in the future. Now to pass it on, even though it’s old it’s still good. 

I tag…

Celena  @ Maiden Knight

Skye @ Ink Castles

And that’s it. Now don’t let my fame or follower count overwhelm you. And if I didn’t tag you, do it anyways! 

procrastination vs. passion projects

I would say I definitely struggle with procrastination.  Big word. Big problem. No excuses. It's simply in my nature to avoid things. Sometimes I can actually feel God rolling his eyes as He watches me create chaos by ignoring responsibility and hushing my conscience. However, my struggle with procrastination does not simply affect my to do list. It also takes form in avoiding emotions, indecision, and my personal favorite, not-doing-something-you've-wanted-to-do-or-even-dreamed-of-doing-because-it-might-be-out-of-the-ordinary-or-just-because-you-like-to-torture-yourself-so-you-put-it-off-for-10+ years. 

Perhaps a better way to describe my IsSueS would be to say that it feels as though there is something tugging at me in the morning, or in the still night when I let my daily guard down a little bit. It's telling me to listen (like that little fairy in The Legend of Zelda video games who KEEPS YELLING "Hey!" "Hey!" "HEY!" I tried to shoot her with my bow, but she always got away). The something that is poking me, nudging me, calling me is ME. The unadulterated, unweathered by the world, me. She usually knows what's up, but on the surface life twists perceptions, it changes goals, it convinces and distracts and the you that you end up with is kind of a mess. At least that's how I view it. If I don't put a real effort to know myself, to establish my beliefs and let them identify me, to bravely embrace my likes and dislikes, and most of all to speak my story proudly, I don't really feel like me at all. Just another carbon-based life form operating like a machine. (If you are wondering, yes my thoughts really are constantly this deep. It's quite fun but also akin to torture). So, I'm trying to listen to that me more. 

One step I took was blogging again. Another was leaving school and my job (was I going to get fired? maybe. We'll never know because I quit first. I maintained control of the situation.) I completed Bethany Hamilton's course for finding your purpose. I also found Michelle Obama's Becoming book at the bookstore one day. I took a good look at it, realized I would probably never read the whole thing let us be authentic here, so I bought the companion journal instead. I have loved filling this out. It is all about becoming YOU and accepting your life and your story. Finding the beauty in the life that you have or even accepting the darkness in it because both collide to create life. There are pages with quotes from her book and questions that you fill out like a journal prompt. My favorite quotes so far are, 

"There's power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unique story, in using your authentic voice. And there's grace in being willing to know and hear others. This, for me, is how we become." 

 "If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's the power of using your own voice." 

 "If you don't see that your story matters, chances are no one else will either. So even though it isn't always easy, it's important for you to find the strength to share your truth. Because the world needs to hear it."

Anyways, I realize I've written 529 words and I haven't even established the topic of this post yet. So blah blah yes, I've been on a quest to ME all year. The more I unravel all of the knotted, tangled, twisted problems and emotions and feelings I have to more shocking things fall out. Like memories, thoughts, that one striped sock I thought I'd never see again, and of course, dead dreams. I found three these past few months. They were DEAD too, like ten years dead. Starting & owning an Etsy shop was the first. And freelance writing was the second. The third is a secret for now, I'm not sure I can resuscitate it honestly. Let me make something clear here. I have wanted to open an Etsy shop for YEARS. Since I was maybe 15. I never did it. I have dreamed of working at least part-time as a freelance writer for YEARS. Since I was maybe 16. Did I ever do anything about these dreams other than entertain the thought of them for like 20 minutes? nope. I honestly did not have the courage and I never asked myself what was important to ME. So, this year I am stepping towards each of those goals. I wish I would've done this sooner. So here's a letter to my past self. 

Dear fluff-for-brains,

  It is the best feeling to work towards something that is a passion. To start to see something you've wanted take form and leave your daydreams is incredible. You are struggling to accept a dream, a passion, or a project, you don't think you can do it, and you know people will say you're being foolish or that it isn't a "real job" etc. Do not listen. Nod and smile and let their own words dictate their own life. They are establishing THEIR limits when they speak about your dreams. Never take advice from someone who is not living a life you would want. And if you still need convincing, consider this: God gives every single person desires, passions, and talents. He designed you with a purpose and tools to achieve that purpose. Use them. You have always felt this sense of uselessness and as if you had no purpose because you never use your usefulness. You never put purpose to your dreams. It is not complex. There is something inside of you that already exists, a desire a dream or even just a hobby. Whatever it is, the more you use that something, and establish your unique identity and talents in your daily life, the more powerful, purposeful, and YOU you'll feel. In short, stop creating your own misery. And for goodness' sake, stop cutting your hair into bangs, it's just not working for you. Bye. 

- future you

I feel FANTASTIC now that I've begun working on these things that matter to me. Like I can do anything. I'm someone who needs goals, who needs projects, and who needs to be working towards something and now I am and it. is. gorgeous. 

(me after editing the borders on my planner insert)

I will most likely create a post about both of these passion projects but for now I think I've rambled enough. You can see on my sidebar my freelance writing profile & my etsy shop logo. I hate my author tagline and my shop logo is heinous so on second thoughts, don't look. 

I'm terrified of budgets, phone calls, and pretty much everything I should be doing

 Hi. It has been over a month since my last post, hasn't it? Wow. Time flies when you're suffering at the hands of a two feet long to-do list. I have so much ImPorTAnt stuff I need to do. Bank stuff (or at least just check my bank account, who knows what it looks like in there), dig my little book out of the car and start budgeting again, look for a place to live (somehow this still hasn't become a priority), start packing anything ANYTHING, take care of the car that doesn't work anymore that's just sitting in my driveway, take my working (not for long lol) car into the shop, laundry always laundry, eat food at some point, make a dentists appointment, figure out my financial aid mess, etc. The list goes on and quite frankly, I'm not a fan of it.  

(me writing this blog post, refusing to accept that my life is crumbling around me)

Why am I like this you may wonder. I wonder too. For one thing, in order to get stuff done I have to do the unspeakable. Make. Several. Phonecalls. I don't know what it is, but I am terrified of phone calls. You put the cold hard (plastic? metal? what are phones made out of?) substance to your face and then a real live person answers. Nothing scares me more. Not to mention that I am very talented at embarrassing myself over the phone. Like that time I accidentally told my pastor, I love him at the end of the call. He was nice about it. But I decided to go ahead and set up funeral arrangements because that killed me. 

(me making a call, waiting for them to pick up)

(they pick up. I go into shock)

(they ask me a question. I go into cardiac arrest)

Furthermore, (this has turned into an essay defending my behavior) everything stresses the jam out of me, man. Like budgeting. My gosh, I cannot budget for the life of me. My significant other? man? comrade? (boyfriend is just a term that makes me gag, honestly. I'll just call him golden boy. Much more normal). Golden boy has written out several budgets for me. He's good with money. I'm not. And when he asks me how I'm doing with my finances, if I've been spending too much money, I say:

The longer I let things go, the more terrifying they become. Like when you leave a mug on your desk and you keep saying "I'll get that later" and then later comes around and it looks crusty so you leave it longer, then longer comes around and it's growing a farm of truffula trees and you say "why oh why didn't I do this earlier?" That's probably my most said sentence. I say it in regards to pretty much everything but lately, I specifically say it because of my health. When I say I feel like a sun-dried tomato I mean it. I feel terrible. Because I haven't been eating well, I haven't been prioritizing my health, and I never drink water. 

(when my sister tells me I need to eat better or eat at all)

I want to succeed in things that matter to me and better myself but even with such good intentions, I see myself fall short a lot. I suppose I should know by now that the road less traveled is a bumpy one. 

I am in a cycle of failing at everything, then doing really well, then failing, then succeeding. Let's just call it growing pains. I think with a little thankfulness and some discipline, I'll get through this failing cycle. However, I will not make phone calls I don't care how thankful or disciplined I am. If Jesus himself calls, I'll have to send him a text after it goes to voicemail and ask him what he needs. I'm sure he'll understand.